Tuesday, June 12, 2012

A year - oh what happens in a year

Well I'll tell you what happens in a year - people change, they fall in love, they fall out of love, and they move on. However, this did not happen to me.. Not one bit! I have been rather busy this past year but I have yet to find someone in my life. I have been way too career-focused and chicken to walk up to a random stranger and say hello. Oh god! For me, it's nerve-wrecking to do that! I think it's partly the fear of rejection. We all have it and don't say you don't, because then you maybe lying to yourself.


After I felt free from the ex, I decided to go on a little dating sabbatical and just take care of me. It was glorious. I did whatever I wanted to do and didn't have to justify my actions to anyone. I got a second job and I spent a lot of hours being a bridal consultant watching all these happy couples get married. How ironic. However, I did love it and enjoyed my time working with so many happy little brides.

Well I'm back into the dating scene and I have to say that not dating for so long, I have learned a lot about myself and I'm glad that I have gotten that chance to just be me. It's been two years now since the ex and I called it quits and while I no longer have feelings for him in that way, we are semi-acquaintances that are collaborating together in potentially developing an app together. It's labeled appropriately. Ex-Wars.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

So..that's IT?!!?

So with the last post, the ex came back in my life very briefly and for a split second I lost my mind. No, not in the gimme-a-straight-jacket kind, but in the yea-maybe-he-has-changed kind...  Alas no. In the weeks following that ill-fated email lots of things happened. We met up because I still had something important of his. It was awkward at first because he looked so damn good.. It didn't help that the weeks leading up to our meeting, he was texting me that he wanted a little bit of alone time with me. I, of course, just played along to his little game, never letting him know that I didn't feel the same way. That changed when I saw him that night. We didn't get a chance to really do anything but talk for about 10 minutes because my roommate came home soon after and he quickly left. Bummer!

A few weeks later, I was still receiving txts from him about how we should get together and ya know.. I always played it off and then one afternoon, I said the hell with it! If this was going to happen, it was going to happen today!! I was still attracted to him when he came over and I'm not the first to get it on with an ex so why the hell not.. I'll tell you WHY THE HELL NOT! Don't do it. It was awful. Not awful in the sense that I went home crying with my make-up smeared and begged him to come back to me. It was awful in the way where you wonder - does he even know what he's doing?

Yes, my dear friends, it was bad. Way bad. Imagine a pig going at it with all his might and not really accomplishing much. And I didn't feel a thing. Nope. Well, a little thing. I felt completely and utterly free. Gone was the desire to get back together him. Gone was the desire to ever call him again. Gone was the desire, even to remain friends with him and tell him everything about my life. It was closure. It was my closure. Everyone needs closure and this was mine. To wrap up and put away on my shelf and never look at again. I'm lucky to have that and lucky that I didn't fall into the rabbit hole and get lost all over again.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Running in circles.. where does it lead? Back to square one.

So after hours and days and weeks and months of NOT attempting to have any sort of communication at all with the ex, he drops in on my lap. How? Well via email of course! Oh gmail - I did not like opening up my daily mail and seeing a unread message waiting for me like an animal stalking it's prey.. I wanted to hit the delete button so bad and pretend I didn't see it and make it go away...sigh, but I couldn't. Curiosity totally got the best of me... but it took me one whole day to get the courage to open up the email. Pathetic? Probably.

It went something like this:
"I have been thinking things in general over a lot lately and I think I am done being angry or childish or petty or... you can pick the adjective, I am sure you have more you would like to add to my list. If you would like to be friends again then I am open to that if not I accept that too."
?@#%^*#$!!! .....

I didn't know what to say. I was absolutely speechless and as much as I wanted to say, Oh F*ck off! I just couldn't bring myself to doing that. I felt that if I did, I would be the petty one, still holding onto to all the anger, hurt, and resentment I was carrying around with me for weeks after our breakup. I calmly let my emotions simmer for a few hours before I carefully drafted a response. I told him that I appreciated the note he sent and that I wouldn't be opposed to catching up sometime but I was really busy at the moment. Then I sent him well wishes and that was it. It wasn't sappy, it wasn't bitchy, it was an informal, straight-to-the-point email that I knew was the correct response. 

I was sweating bullets when I saw that email and at the end of the whole exchange, I wasn't freaking out so much. I was going thru a small emotional turmoil inside, but who wouldn't be after the email that sent me spiraling down the rabbit hole of emotions?!

Don't you just hate it that when your life is going perfectly normal, something like this pops up out of the blue and punches you in the gut? Well it knocked me over and now I'm waiting to get back up again.

Give me a second to catch my breath. !!!

Friday, May 27, 2011

It does get better...doesn't it?

Well as for my life in the love department - things have gone a little sour. I don't know if it's because I'm soo busy with everything else or it's just that my online profile has gotten dusty. It's probably both! I went out with a guy, Mr. BlueEyes, a few weeks ago on a whim. We had only spoken over email very briefly and we exchanged numbers. I got a txt from him and I agreed to meet him at a bar late on Monday night.. super random.. I had alot of fun with this stranger who stole me in the middle of the night. He confessed that night that he had a 13 month old daughter whom he has visitation rights with. Never been married tho. whoa buddy!

I don't know how I meet all the men who all have children! I decided that I would toss my rule of not dating a man because he has children straight out the door. I wanted to give him a chance even with all the strings attached. By the end of the night..and after a few drinks, we were freely talking about ourselves and of course, the conversation led to conversations about sex. He confessed to me that he was a very sexual person and that when he goes home, he really likes to just take his clothes off and walk around the house naked!...

Well..after almost falling off the bar stool from his little tale, he brought us another round of drinks. We talked about work and clearly the conversations just led back to sex.. It always does, doesn't it? A group of people were taking jager shots at the table behind us and one of the girls asked me to take a picture of them. Sure, I said and took her camera. Then, the guys at the table told us that they had two extra shots and that we should take it with them...so of course we did! I was getting a little drunk and it was not a good way to end up at considering I had to drive back home because I wasn't planning on drinking so much. Mr. BlueEyes noticed that I was getting a little woozy and offered for me to stay at his place..Now, I don't know if this was something he was doing out of the kindness of his heart or it was just to get in my pants. Probably the latter. I politely declined his offer and then he said that if I wasn't comfortable with that I could stay in his guest room and not his bed as was his original intention. Um...hello?! Two things. One - I just met you and Two - you just previously confessed to me that you are an asshole. Yup. He said, "I'm an asshole. I have a theory that if you ever meet a nice guy who says he's a nice guy, run in the opposite direction." Excuse me, I'm confused? Are we playing mind games now? Cause if we are, I forfeit. I said no again and then he said that if I wasn't ok to drive, he would set me up with a hotel room for the night. ... aw.. cute. So after trying to get in my pants and getting rejected, he actually did a grand gesture by offering me a night at a hotel - yes, without him. Well done Mr. BlueEyes.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Busy with tulle, lace, organza, satin, silk.. oh my!

So I know I've been a little MIA for a little while, but for good reason! Too bad that my reason has absolutely nothing to do with a guy and love - which is what this blog is all about, but alas, I have had no such luck so far. I am currently holding down two jobs and the 2nd job is the best one yet! I get to make women's dreams of the perfect dress come true. Yup. That's right. Think Say Yes to the Dress! I'm now a bridal consultant and I absolutely love it. I haven't decided if I love the fact that I get to play dress up everyday or that I get to learn about the fabulous live of women who are in love. I get to play a role in their happiness and it brings me a lot of warmth to my soul that I can be a little part of their special day. I get to hear stories about their love and then their engagement. I hear a lot of different stories that all give me hope in one day being as happy as they are!

One of the cutest stories that I heard recently was from a woman whom reconnected with her soul mate after 18 years. Yup. 18 years!! Imagine that, ladies! They were close in college and just lost touch and then about a year ago, he googled her and the rest is history. Cutest. Story. Ever.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Oye Vey! At least he was upfront!

So with online dating, it is really hard to gauge how many emails one receives in a week. Some weeks are busier than others and some weeks go by without any replies to the emails I send out. Well, I've been pretty busy with work and outside projects recently that I haven't had much time to log onto Match. Without having to log onto my profile, I had an email waiting for me in the inbox of my Gmail account. I hurriedly clicked on it, wondering if maybe this was it. A great guy to go out with...WRONG. His email verbatim: 

I agree

So make a point to connect with me alive. And make your conclusion.

In short I only want to have awesome sex with a stranger who will smile when she thinks back on the memories made

best regards
Um...You agree with what exactly? What is it that brought this man to my profile and agreed to some unwritten question or statement on my profile that stated I wanted awesome sex with a stranger?! If my profile says this "in between the lines" I will 100% go and change it to make it perfectly clear, that is NOT the reason I'm online! I went to his profile to be curious as to what he was all about. It turns out that he is only in the area for a short time visiting family and is basically horny beyond all reasoning and is looking for that "special someone" RIGHTNOW. Hm..Just a thought.. Ya know, Mr. HornyRightNow, maybe...just m-a-y-b-e if you fixed those spelling mistakes and random typos throughout your profile, you might just get a reply back and get lucky.....Oooooooor... You can keep your STDs sooo.. Prob not.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Prince Charming.. where does your castle reside?

So after my disastrous night with Nipple boy, I had to find a night and redeem myself. There was no way that the start of my new year was going to be like THAT so I lined up a date with another guy whom I know thru another friend. This time, I was assured that he was perfect. Pish! No one is REALLY perfect. They always have a flaw somehow. At least from what I've noticed! We met up in Georgetown at this cute little restaurant Mei n Yu. Super cute title! He picked it. *wow* We were escorted to our table in the back of the restaurant and I scrambled to get out of my coat. He rushed to help and gave the coat to the hostess who placed it in coat check. I was delighted that he was such a gentleman!

I decided that I would try something completely new at this cute little fancy restaurant. Eeep! The food prices were more than I had expected but casually pretended not to notice. He proceeded to tell me that he had been there before a long time ago and that the food was amazing. We ordered a pitcher of blue alcohol, some hummus and a delightful description of steak and lamb. After the waiter took our order, PC began to tell me a little bit about himself. He was pretty much a well-traveled guy that believed in karma and that anything was possible. I stared into his clear blue eyes, mesmerized by his stories and his fascination with the world. Intermittently I described who I was, what I did for a living and what I wanted to accomplish he life. He asked me so many questions about myself and it was just really easy to divulge in everything that was me. I asked him how 2011 was shaping up so far for him and he replied, "2011 is going off to a great start because first thing this morning, I woke up to find a text from you." Awww....hearts melted from here to China! He made me feel like I was the only one in the room and I'm not sure if it was because he was really into me or if it was the mysterious blue liquid he ordered.

We continued to talk for a long time at the restaurant and ordered a second pitcher of this mysterious blue substance. It tasted like paradise and made me feel loopy as if I was floating on cloud nine....now this could have been the drink or the man sitting across from me at dinner who just fascinated me. I just couldn't tell. The bill came and he slyly took it from the waiter and paid for our meal. I objected to him paying for the whole thing, but he insisted so I didn't argue. I'm pretty sure it was a hefty bill and felt bad but his smile reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. We went to get my coat and that's when I realized that he had only placed my jacket in coat check and had let his get wrinkled next to him in the booth. Aw...he really didn't have to put my coat in coat check. I could have just mangled it in my seat next to me and it would have been perfectly fine. I retrieved my jacket and he insisted on covering coat check as well. It was pretty early in the evening, so we walked to the nearest bar to continue having drinks.

We proceeded to talk the night away while casually drinking and I was just smitten. After I was already tumbling down the rabbit hole, I discovered something that completely jerked me back to reality...Mr. Prince Charming doesn't live in the DC area... *screeeeeecchhh!* Brake!!!! Hold the phone people!!! He lives on the west coast and has family here, but doesn't know where he will end up next year after his current job contract comes up for renewal. Now, I'm an advocate for relationships in general...ahem..however, when a person whom you want to get romantically involved with clearly doesn't live in the same zip code, the same state, let alone the same COAST?!?!...It might be a good idea to pull the emergency brake before anyone gets in too deep. I just don't think that long distance relationship can actually work. It might work for some people, but they just don't work for me. And yes, I've tried it.

After my beautiful fantasy was shattered by a zipcode, he walked me to my car. He asked me if I wanted to come hang out with him at his house but fumbled around the idea because he was staying with family while he was in town. I currently resided further away from where we were so it made no sense to go back to my place. As much as I just wanted to climb into his car and drive away into the night, sensible me took over and declined the offer....OMG.. Did I want to get into that car?!?!! We had that awkward moment every couple has at the end of their first date.. "The-omg-are-we-going-to-kiss-should-i-kiss-you-or-wait-for-you-to-kiss-me moment" AWKWARD! Ugh. I wanted to kiss him but then it meant tumbling down the rabbit hole once more and I was not ready to really start a relationship of any kind with someone on the other side of the continent. I had the most amazing first date with an amazing guy whom was just perfect. I had my doubts before the date and at the end of it...Yup. He's perfect all right. Charming, good looks, great smile, wonderful spirit. All around - delicious package. But not for me. Not now...Sigh...Cinderella went home at midnight and Prince Charming flew back to his castle on the west coast. What a sad and absolutely fantastic night. Would I do it again? Absolutely, Yes!