Sunday, November 28, 2010

A Not So Lonely Cab Ride Home

A night on the town is always a lot of fun when you mix alcohol and great friends. However, in order to be safe, it's never a good idea to drink and drive so metro is the way to go into the city. The only draw back is that you have to leave and make it in time before the doors close....yea.. I'm normally running late everywhere and this was definitely not an exception. So, of course we missed the metro and had to catch a cab. Oh cab rides are always fun, aren't they? This one had to be one of the most interesting ones I've had.

It all started because we couldn't grab a suitable cab so a handsome young man came to our rescue and asked if we wanted to share his cab. Um.. yes?! He prepaid the driver to get him from DC to his destination and when we hopped in, we only had to pay a fraction of the price of a normal cab ride home. SWEET! I got in and rode bitch on the ride home. He said he was grateful that we came along so he didn't have to get home by himself...then, he grabbed my hand and started caressing my arm. I ignored him because he was pretty drunk so I continued talking to my friend. Then he grabbed my other hand and started to place it on his lap. I was fighting back laughter and didn't know what to say to him. I took my hand away numerous times but he consistently tried to get me to hold his hands. Soon after he was making out with my arm and I couldn't stop from laughing. He was slobbering all over and trying to get me to leave my hand in his lab.. ie his crotch. We made it back home and he was desperately trying to come inside with us. I left Mr. Arm Sucker in the cab and told the cabbie to take him home. I really don't know how I attract these men but it's hilarious that I do. The only reason why I even played along with him was because he was drunk and we got a cheap cab ride home. Would I do it again? Eh, prob not. I'll dish out the loot to make it safely without a guy sucking on my arm.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Guitar Hero...Rock my what?

Phew! I thought I wasn't going to get a decent reply from these guys online anytime soon! Although, Guitar Hero was not what I would typically call the "online man." I say this because instead of the "hi, how r ya?" email.. I get "Hi, *insert funny line here*. I am not really one for this email thing, so let's meet up for appetizers and drinks?" It took me a day or so to get back to him for various reasons. A - I've been busy with work and more work. B - It's a very straightforward approach but at least he didn't ask for massages and to spend the night when we meet. C - I'm not one for facial hair and he pretty much had a full-on beard in all his pictures. Not a big fan but either way, I decided to email him back and agree. You really can't be picky about facial hair like that. I mean you can't be THAT shallow all the time now can you?

The response I got wasn't really what I thought he would say. Instead of the "sure, let's meet up Tuesday at 6 after work." I got "I have plans for guys night out to watch football on Sunday. You should come with a friend so we could all hang out." Uhh...what? Again, I didn't really know what to say to this. I mean, do I show up with said friend and meet his friend and almost have a blind double date? Soo awkward. The first time you meet someone has to be better than, "Hey Joe, this is uh...Jen? and her friend....uh...Lucy. We just met right now." Nooooo! Who does that? I politely declined his offer a few days later and agreed to meet late after work the following week.

It turned out to be a pretty casual meeting. I seriously didn't recognize him when I saw him. First off, he doesn't look like his pictures. Second, the beard was missing! So if you don't look like yourself in your pictures to begin with and you don't have the beard either, how the hell am I supposed to find you?! We both had a great time with alot of talking and laughing. I'm a big talker. Like HUGE talker. I never know when to shut up at times but its hard to keep it going with a stranger for hours. I had a little bit of help keeping the conversation up. Guitar Hero knew the bartender and he kept coming over to talk to us. I was eying the bartender. He was sizzling. Like WAY sizzling. Think young Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louse style). Delish! I found out this particular bartender is afraid of commitment and has a 2 year girlfriend. He mentioned how she has been asking to move-in together but he really can't commit to it whatsoever. Poor gal. He said it would probably happen at least a year from now and then he started laughing, "She probably would have broken up with me by then if I do that!" Sad. If she wants to leave him earlier, I can take him off her hands! ;)

Sorry, back to Guitar Hero. I got distracted but it was hard not to. It was Thelma and Louse style! Tell me you know about Thelma and Louse style! Google it! I promise you won't be disappointed. After about 3 hours of non-stop talking I was slowly winding down and wanted sleep. He quickly noticed that I was failing fast and he gave me an out. He asked if we could see each other again and I agreed. It was a pretty normal date compared to the others that I've been on so why the hell not? He then apologized in advance for his lack of calling and texting because he is normally pretty busy with work. Guitar Hero wanted to make sure that I knew he wasn't blowing me off if I didn't get an immediate response from him. Sure sure. No worries mister.

We got up from our bar stools and he helped me get into my jacket. It was a pretty funny sight since I was trying desperately to get my arm thru the one side but was failing miserable. It took me about 5 minutes to get my stupid coat on and I felt like an idiot. It was almost like watching a dog chase his tail over and over and over again... Oh well, it was pretty funny if you were watching us. He opened doors for me as we left the bar and walked me to my car. It was sweet and cute. What was not sweet and cute was our good bye. Again totally not what I expected. More awkward than anything. I opened my door to the car and he jumped on me to give me a big bear hug and a huge smack on the cheek with his lips. "Thanks for meeting me tonight," he said and with that, he bounced right back to the bar. He startled me and left me with a big fat question mark floating around on the top of my head.. you know, like the ones in the cartoons.

During those 3 hours, I found out some interesting details about Guitar Hero's life. Little tidbits: has played guitar for a good 20 years of his life, went to college for years (over 4) but didn't finish (interesting detail here since he didn't get that magical piece of paper after 4+ years), was in a frat in college, now a manager of a major electronics store, going to get his BA or BS soon (round deux), goes to the same bar all the time (the bar he asked to meet at was the same one he wanted to meet on Sunday and same one he went to for Halloween), lives next door to lesbians (which he really really really enjoys), and has grown up in this area (knows how boring it is to live here which is a plus!). At least its much better than Snip-Snip...Now that was just too much information for one sober night. Guitar Hero, I can handle.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Not all Fireman are all that hot

Gone are the days in college where you met a guy at a party and go home with him. However, not everyone is done with the phase and it continues on. Oh how I wish I wasn't looking for love, but I am. I think I deserve something more than a quick one night stand, but some guys don't think so. Fireman sent me a message on Match.com and I responded with just a quick, "How are ya?" Well I think he took that as an open invitation to try to get into my panties. The conversation started very innocent and it turned sexual pretty quickly. I said I was tired and he responded that he could come over and give me a massage. Um....maybe? Then I mentioned I was going to dinner with friends and he wanted to come, but I said that its not possible because he lives 2 hours away. His response, "yeah i would have to spend the night. Will you let me?" Uh.. I haven't met you dude, wtf? At least Babies was willing to pay for a hotel room for the night if I said yes to meeting him again. Why do men think that by gaining their attention, it's an open invitation for anything. It seems that anything is fair game. No, it's really not.

Monday, November 8, 2010

"Snip"pets of Information

Wouldn't it be amazing if a good friend of yours hit the nail on the head and tried to set you up with a charming and perfect man? Yup. It would be. However, life isn't perfect...and neither are the men. If you know one, send him this way please. The night started off in a pretty casual way considering I wasn't planning on going out but I got persuaded to just meet up with a good girlfriend of mine at her place. Then she informed me that a hot guy was coming over as well. Yipee! Men!

She introduced me to this guy and I thought he was adorable. Much better looking than she hinted at. I didn't want to make it too obvious that I was totally into him so I played it cool almost as if I couldn't care less but still interested enough to pay attention to what he was saying. Well it didn't matter if I had been paying close attention or not because I found out so much about him! Too much almost. First, I found out that he was a divorcé and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I embrace it. It means that he has been thru a marriage and for one reason or another, it just didn't work out.

Soon after, he slipped in that he had fun the other day with his son. Whoa. What? Son?! How was this not told to me prior to meeting him?! After I digested this snippet of information, more things came out about his life. He was telling a story about how drunk he was one night and couldn't remember what he had done but it included girls and it was bad. Someone interjected "Oh you might have more kids in *insert foreign country here*." To which he responded, "Yea I dont think so. Two is enough and the only way that's possible is to visit a doctor again." Uhhhhh..what?!?!!? Did I just hear right? First off, its not one kid but TWO. Yup...Deux. He spoke of them highly and I'm sure they are great kids, but man.. kids. THEN, the vasectomy! Whoa dude! Whoa. He got a vasectomy!!! holy moly! My jaw dropped to the floor and my head snapped in his direction. Kinda obvious? Yup. But I mean come on...It's hard NOT to react to something like that. So yea I just met Snip-Snip...um, oh i dunno...about an hour prior to learning all of this about him. Ugh, too bad he had to tell me this things on day one. These are pieces of your life that you have to sprinkle in a conversation. SPRINKLE! NOT smother!

Oh I have mixed feelings about this but Snip-Snip really was pretty hot. So, can I get past all of that information and have a decent conversation with this guy later on down the road? I'm not so sure, but I can try. I'm sure that I will probably see him again considering he is friends with my friend so all I can do is smile and nod. Oh Snip-Snip you were so darn cute.

Too bad we can't screen them first.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Missed Connections

So here's something to ponder...If you see a stranger on the street and you lock eyes but neither one of you makes a move, do you get a second chance? Chances are no. If you don't make the move now, it will probably never happen. You will miss your opportunity and will probably never see them again. You can get on craiglist and post a missed connection or post an ad someplace else, but what are the odds that the other person is also searching for you too? Pretty freaking slim! Either way, you do it anyway in hopes of finding them again.

Well I posted and of course he won't see it!
So I know this is a long shot but I thought I would try. You opened the door as I was walking out and stopped short because you would have ran into me. Your buddy ran into you and gave me a funny face. You held the door for me and I laughed and said Thank you. I heard your friend give you a snide comment to which you responded "I was opening the door for her!" I turned around as I walked away and said "Sorry" and smiled. I thought you were cute. I saw that you were still staring at me. I wish I would have walked back in there and just talked to you. If you find this, we should meet up :P
But I did it anyway. Why not? He really was cute!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Halloween..A night to dress up and play make believe

Oh Halloween. Don't you love it? Everyone dresses up as something they are not and goes out on the town to paint it red. It's my favorite time of the year and it never fails to deliver a devastatingly handsome guy. Altho, it didn't start out so smooth. Going out to a bar that I frequent is dangerous considering I met Bartender there a few weeks ago. Eeek! I think I could be more receptive to the idea of Bartender if he wasn't so odd. For starters, he always goes to the bar alone...and what is it with that pizza eating thing he does?! Don't get me wrong - I have gone to the bar alone too, but I don't do it ALL the time! Something doesn't seem right here. Anyway, he calls my name and I turn but didn't expect to see him standing there grinning at me. Deer in the headlights = ME! "Uhhhhhh...." I froze in place and didn't know what to say except stupidly, "Hi." He runs over and gives me a hug and the only thing I could say was that I was looking for my friends and that I have to find them. He said I looked good and then I turned my heels and walked away. I didn't really know what to say. He totally caught me off guard and the only thing I could do was run away. I quickly found my friends and simultaneously got a txt, "At the bar, come join for a drink." Um..No thanks. With that, I left and moved on to the next bar. I had to get out of there and see what else I could get my hands on. ;-)

The next bar was just as dashing as the first and where I met Gladiator. It was late in the night and I was too tired to stand anymore so I casually sat on a bar stool while my friends danced their little hearts away. A drunk stranger approached me and picked me up off the bar stool to tell me that I need to dance with....another random stranger! Said stranger was nonetheless Gladiator. I think he was dressed up as Julius Caesar but my friends kept calling him Gladiator so it stuck. We danced for maybe 30 seconds and then drunk Gladiator walked away from me. Ouch. Sting!! I cared but was also glad considering I was too tired to stand anymore.

I went back to my lonely bar stool and as I sat there, Gladiator comes up next to me and asks if I want to dance. I politely say no that I'm too tired so he decides to sit next to me. He starts talking to me and wants to know my age and what I do. I tell him the cordial details of my life and he gets really close to my face and starts to caress my cheek. He guesses my age at 21 (I wish!!) and I shake my head no. When I tell him my real age, his eyes get really big and he sluggishly (but in a cute way) says, "HHOOOT." He proceeds to caress the corners of my eyes and stammers "But you don't have any wrinkles!" Hahaha.. Whoa! I didn't see that one coming! I thought it was hilarious more than insulting and said to him, "Nope. Sorry to disappoint ya!" He whispers close to me, "I want to make out with you right now." I laugh and tell him that I do not even know his name! Which is very true considering we had only been talking for maybe ten minutes at this point. When he tells me his name he tries to kiss me and misses my lips but kisses my cheek. I push him away and he looks completely disheartened and says, "I am a devastatingly handsome guy who goes to a prestigious East coast school and is getting his Masters. Why would you not want to make out with me?" With that, he grabs my face and starts going to town on my lips. Wow! I couldn't tell if he was a good kisser or not because there was alot of teeth involved in this kiss. I finally came up for air and all I could do was giggle like a school girl! Oh.. why the hell not?

We were making out like barbarians and I just didn't care. I was having too much fun...plus it was Halloween! We got on the dance floor and danced around like fools continuously making out with each passing minute. The bar was shutting down and I turned to say goodbye to Gladiator but he insisted that I take his number. We exchanged numbers and with a magnificent kiss, we said goodbye. It was sweet. I'm not sure if he will remember my name or even me when he wakes up Sunday morning but I could always reach out to him right? He is saved in my phone as Caesar..true story. We shared a great night and a great goodbye kiss if nothing else. He was charming and drunk so who knows what will happen when he sobers up. All in all, an amazing night was had by all and I shared a sweet kiss with a devastatingly handsome stranger. Let's do it again soon! Same time next week?