Boredom..Not a Word That Should Be Used to Describe a Date

Bored. Normally I'm not bored during a date but this time I was. I met Boredom at a restaurant in Tyson's Corner and I thought I was going in for a really good date. We had met on Match and we corresponding with alot of emails in the previous days preceding the date. I found out that he lives super far from me and his mom does art for a local art market so I was excited to meet him. I figured we had alot in common on that aspect. He seemed like a decent guy and not a crazy weirdo like the other men I have encountered recently. I got there before him and ordered a drink at the bar while I waited for him to show up. He apparently had parked really far so I had to wait about 10 minutes for him to show up. No biggie. I'm normally late to most of my dates anyway and I know its bad, but I have tried really hard not to be so damn late. Anyway, he shows up and we had this awkward "Nice to meet you moment" and we walked to the hostess stand to grab a table. I went to close out my tab at the bar and followed them into the dining area.

Wowzers!! The restaurant he picked out was way pricey for entrees. It was a seafood place and they only really had one chicken option and two steak options on the menu. I'm not a big chicken fan but the price of the rest of the entrees was pretty high and I didn't want to give off a bad vibe so I ordered a salad. In his profile, he says he really likes salmon. At dinner, he said he didn't want to get salmon because he gets that all the time...however 10 minutes later when we are ordering our meal, he orders the salmon and looks at me and says, "sorry, I just had to get it." I don't care, but as he says this, I'm realizing that he really likes to stay within his norm and not deviate too much outside of it. I say this because the restaurant he chose was one in which he frequents for happy hours. Nothing wrong with that, but I would have hoped for a little more variety from him. Oh well.

So we divulge in conversation and I feel like I am doing most of the talking. I try to ask him questions about his life and what he does to have fun. I find out that he puts together model airplanes with his slightly younger brother...ok..pause. His younger brother is 25... I ask him if he goes out alot and he proceeds to tell me that he did all of the drinking and partying in his younger years and that he is done with all of that. He is only 33. Odd. OK. I asked him where he went to college and he tells me that he didn't go and wasn't something he was interested in. He says he makes good money now so there's no point in going now. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I like people to be somewhat ambitious in life. I dunno. Maybe I'm just asking for too much, but I don't think so.

Anyway, I continue asking him about his life and he really runs out of things to say. He concludes with "My life is pretty boring and I find yours very interesting so tell me more about you." Um.... not really what I want to hear, especially on our first date. I don't know what else to say at this point because I feel like I have talked his ear off and my throat is dry trying to keep the conversation going. We get to the point where I really have nothing else to say and we just sit there quietly. Pretty much an awkward silence...To save the date from going downhill, I suggest we go. We pay the bill and he tells me that he will walk me to my car. We get outside and he stops before the parking garage and asks me where I parked. I point in the direction of my car and he says, "Ok, it was really nice to meet you." Then he goes in for a hug and I'm a little shocked. I say goodbye and walk to my car by myself. It was an awkward moment but I'm glad he didn't walk me to my car because I make a split second decision and go back into the mall for a little Christmas shopping. The date might have been boring but that doesn't mean I have to go home with nothing to show for it!

All clamed up and absolutely nothing to say!

So last night I saw one of the hottest guys I have seen in a long time. Seeing one of these at a bar around here is super rare! For those of you who don't know. DC ranked #6 for the least attractive people in the nation according to Travel + Leisure....ouch! For the article, click here. So when you see this hot amazing man, you just have to go up to him and say hi, right? ugh..I couldn't. I didn't. I was completely tongued-tied the whole night! When we first get there, I saw a girl who looked exactly like Rose McGowan from Charmed...even with the enormous boobs. I say this because all she had on was a tank top and a push-up bra. It was hard NOT to notice. A few minutes later, in walks Tuxedo. This hot man was wearing a suit jacket, tie, and slacks...to a bar. Definitely not the casual look that most men choose when they go out to a bar. Again, it was hard not to notice this hottie all dressed up and about 6'2. He walked by us to get a drink at the bar and all I could do was stare. He walked back in our direction but at his point, it was super crowded and we were packed in there like sardines. I got closer to him as he walked by and my elbow definitely grazed his ass. Perfect. Of course, he didn't notice.. Ugh. If only I could have just bumped into him and started a conversation, but alas, no. I just couldn't do that.

I must have looked like some crazy stalker chick as the night progressed because I would just walk by him and stare. I know he didn't notice because he just stood there watching everyone else around me. He almost looked like he was too bored to bother being there. It was kinda odd. If only I hadn't been a non-blabbering mute all night, I probably would have gone up to him and started chatting. Alas, I was not the lucky one. Charmed girl went up to him and at the end of the night, they exchanged phone numbers. Oh well. I missed my chance. I went to close my tab at the end of the night. As I waited for my tab, I saw him approaching the bar. He stood next to me and it took me about 5 minutes too long to say something to him because when I finally had the courage to just say hi, he was gone. I saw the back of his head disappearing into the crowd. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't even mutter a simple hello. I know better and I hope next time I won't be such a mute!

A Not So Lonely Cab Ride Home

A night on the town is always a lot of fun when you mix alcohol and great friends. However, in order to be safe, it's never a good idea to drink and drive so metro is the way to go into the city. The only draw back is that you have to leave and make it in time before the doors close....yea.. I'm normally running late everywhere and this was definitely not an exception. So, of course we missed the metro and had to catch a cab. Oh cab rides are always fun, aren't they? This one had to be one of the most interesting ones I've had.

It all started because we couldn't grab a suitable cab so a handsome young man came to our rescue and asked if we wanted to share his cab. Um.. yes?! He prepaid the driver to get him from DC to his destination and when we hopped in, we only had to pay a fraction of the price of a normal cab ride home. SWEET! I got in and rode bitch on the ride home. He said he was grateful that we came along so he didn't have to get home by himself...then, he grabbed my hand and started caressing my arm. I ignored him because he was pretty drunk so I continued talking to my friend. Then he grabbed my other hand and started to place it on his lap. I was fighting back laughter and didn't know what to say to him. I took my hand away numerous times but he consistently tried to get me to hold his hands. Soon after he was making out with my arm and I couldn't stop from laughing. He was slobbering all over and trying to get me to leave my hand in his lab.. ie his crotch. We made it back home and he was desperately trying to come inside with us. I left Mr. Arm Sucker in the cab and told the cabbie to take him home. I really don't know how I attract these men but it's hilarious that I do. The only reason why I even played along with him was because he was drunk and we got a cheap cab ride home. Would I do it again? Eh, prob not. I'll dish out the loot to make it safely without a guy sucking on my arm.

Guitar Hero...Rock my what?

Phew! I thought I wasn't going to get a decent reply from these guys online anytime soon! Although, Guitar Hero was not what I would typically call the "online man." I say this because instead of the "hi, how r ya?" email.. I get "Hi, *insert funny line here*. I am not really one for this email thing, so let's meet up for appetizers and drinks?" It took me a day or so to get back to him for various reasons. A - I've been busy with work and more work. B - It's a very straightforward approach but at least he didn't ask for massages and to spend the night when we meet. C - I'm not one for facial hair and he pretty much had a full-on beard in all his pictures. Not a big fan but either way, I decided to email him back and agree. You really can't be picky about facial hair like that. I mean you can't be THAT shallow all the time now can you?

The response I got wasn't really what I thought he would say. Instead of the "sure, let's meet up Tuesday at 6 after work." I got "I have plans for guys night out to watch football on Sunday. You should come with a friend so we could all hang out." Uhh...what? Again, I didn't really know what to say to this. I mean, do I show up with said friend and meet his friend and almost have a blind double date? Soo awkward. The first time you meet someone has to be better than, "Hey Joe, this is uh...Jen? and her friend....uh...Lucy. We just met right now." Nooooo! Who does that? I politely declined his offer a few days later and agreed to meet late after work the following week.

It turned out to be a pretty casual meeting. I seriously didn't recognize him when I saw him. First off, he doesn't look like his pictures. Second, the beard was missing! So if you don't look like yourself in your pictures to begin with and you don't have the beard either, how the hell am I supposed to find you?! We both had a great time with alot of talking and laughing. I'm a big talker. Like HUGE talker. I never know when to shut up at times but its hard to keep it going with a stranger for hours. I had a little bit of help keeping the conversation up. Guitar Hero knew the bartender and he kept coming over to talk to us. I was eying the bartender. He was sizzling. Like WAY sizzling. Think young Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louse style). Delish! I found out this particular bartender is afraid of commitment and has a 2 year girlfriend. He mentioned how she has been asking to move-in together but he really can't commit to it whatsoever. Poor gal. He said it would probably happen at least a year from now and then he started laughing, "She probably would have broken up with me by then if I do that!" Sad. If she wants to leave him earlier, I can take him off her hands! ;)

Sorry, back to Guitar Hero. I got distracted but it was hard not to. It was Thelma and Louse style! Tell me you know about Thelma and Louse style! Google it! I promise you won't be disappointed. After about 3 hours of non-stop talking I was slowly winding down and wanted sleep. He quickly noticed that I was failing fast and he gave me an out. He asked if we could see each other again and I agreed. It was a pretty normal date compared to the others that I've been on so why the hell not? He then apologized in advance for his lack of calling and texting because he is normally pretty busy with work. Guitar Hero wanted to make sure that I knew he wasn't blowing me off if I didn't get an immediate response from him. Sure sure. No worries mister.

We got up from our bar stools and he helped me get into my jacket. It was a pretty funny sight since I was trying desperately to get my arm thru the one side but was failing miserable. It took me about 5 minutes to get my stupid coat on and I felt like an idiot. It was almost like watching a dog chase his tail over and over and over again... Oh well, it was pretty funny if you were watching us. He opened doors for me as we left the bar and walked me to my car. It was sweet and cute. What was not sweet and cute was our good bye. Again totally not what I expected. More awkward than anything. I opened my door to the car and he jumped on me to give me a big bear hug and a huge smack on the cheek with his lips. "Thanks for meeting me tonight," he said and with that, he bounced right back to the bar. He startled me and left me with a big fat question mark floating around on the top of my head.. you know, like the ones in the cartoons.

During those 3 hours, I found out some interesting details about Guitar Hero's life. Little tidbits: has played guitar for a good 20 years of his life, went to college for years (over 4) but didn't finish (interesting detail here since he didn't get that magical piece of paper after 4+ years), was in a frat in college, now a manager of a major electronics store, going to get his BA or BS soon (round deux), goes to the same bar all the time (the bar he asked to meet at was the same one he wanted to meet on Sunday and same one he went to for Halloween), lives next door to lesbians (which he really really really enjoys), and has grown up in this area (knows how boring it is to live here which is a plus!). At least its much better than Snip-Snip...Now that was just too much information for one sober night. Guitar Hero, I can handle.

Not all Fireman are all that hot

Gone are the days in college where you met a guy at a party and go home with him. However, not everyone is done with the phase and it continues on. Oh how I wish I wasn't looking for love, but I am. I think I deserve something more than a quick one night stand, but some guys don't think so. Fireman sent me a message on Match.com and I responded with just a quick, "How are ya?" Well I think he took that as an open invitation to try to get into my panties. The conversation started very innocent and it turned sexual pretty quickly. I said I was tired and he responded that he could come over and give me a massage. Um....maybe? Then I mentioned I was going to dinner with friends and he wanted to come, but I said that its not possible because he lives 2 hours away. His response, "yeah i would have to spend the night. Will you let me?" Uh.. I haven't met you dude, wtf? At least Babies was willing to pay for a hotel room for the night if I said yes to meeting him again. Why do men think that by gaining their attention, it's an open invitation for anything. It seems that anything is fair game. No, it's really not.

"Snip"pets of Information

Wouldn't it be amazing if a good friend of yours hit the nail on the head and tried to set you up with a charming and perfect man? Yup. It would be. However, life isn't perfect...and neither are the men. If you know one, send him this way please. The night started off in a pretty casual way considering I wasn't planning on going out but I got persuaded to just meet up with a good girlfriend of mine at her place. Then she informed me that a hot guy was coming over as well. Yipee! Men!

She introduced me to this guy and I thought he was adorable. Much better looking than she hinted at. I didn't want to make it too obvious that I was totally into him so I played it cool almost as if I couldn't care less but still interested enough to pay attention to what he was saying. Well it didn't matter if I had been paying close attention or not because I found out so much about him! Too much almost. First, I found out that he was a divorcé and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I embrace it. It means that he has been thru a marriage and for one reason or another, it just didn't work out.

Soon after, he slipped in that he had fun the other day with his son. Whoa. What? Son?! How was this not told to me prior to meeting him?! After I digested this snippet of information, more things came out about his life. He was telling a story about how drunk he was one night and couldn't remember what he had done but it included girls and it was bad. Someone interjected "Oh you might have more kids in *insert foreign country here*." To which he responded, "Yea I dont think so. Two is enough and the only way that's possible is to visit a doctor again." Uhhhhh..what?!?!!? Did I just hear right? First off, its not one kid but TWO. Yup...Deux. He spoke of them highly and I'm sure they are great kids, but man.. kids. THEN, the vasectomy! Whoa dude! Whoa. He got a vasectomy!!! holy moly! My jaw dropped to the floor and my head snapped in his direction. Kinda obvious? Yup. But I mean come on...It's hard NOT to react to something like that. So yea I just met Snip-Snip...um, oh i dunno...about an hour prior to learning all of this about him. Ugh, too bad he had to tell me this things on day one. These are pieces of your life that you have to sprinkle in a conversation. SPRINKLE! NOT smother!

Oh I have mixed feelings about this but Snip-Snip really was pretty hot. So, can I get past all of that information and have a decent conversation with this guy later on down the road? I'm not so sure, but I can try. I'm sure that I will probably see him again considering he is friends with my friend so all I can do is smile and nod. Oh Snip-Snip you were so darn cute.

Too bad we can't screen them first.

Missed Connections

So here's something to ponder...If you see a stranger on the street and you lock eyes but neither one of you makes a move, do you get a second chance? Chances are no. If you don't make the move now, it will probably never happen. You will miss your opportunity and will probably never see them again. You can get on craiglist and post a missed connection or post an ad someplace else, but what are the odds that the other person is also searching for you too? Pretty freaking slim! Either way, you do it anyway in hopes of finding them again.

Well I posted and of course he won't see it!

So I know this is a long shot but I thought I would try. You opened the door as I was walking out and stopped short because you would have ran into me. Your buddy ran into you and gave me a funny face. You held the door for me and I laughed and said Thank you. I heard your friend give you a snide comment to which you responded "I was opening the door for her!" I turned around as I walked away and said "Sorry" and smiled. I thought you were cute. I saw that you were still staring at me. I wish I would have walked back in there and just talked to you. If you find this, we should meet up :P

But I did it anyway. Why not? He really was cute!