Nipple boy..get over yourself.

Sigh.. so the guys you meet thru your friends are not always the way to go when looking for a date. A girlfriend of mine introduced me to Nipple boy a few years ago and she thought he would be a good guy to get to know better. Yea, he was cute, but I was kinda seeing someone at the time and I didn't want to start a relationship that I couldn't commit to. Then a few months later, we saw each other and he was wasted. Completely bat-shit wasted! I was in a serious relationship then and he went bat-shit crazy because he was bat-shit wasted...He said some completely obscene things that I will not repeat and harassed me to no end about the guy I was seeing. Needless to say, I just ignored him and left shortly after our little encounter.

About a year later, he found me on a social networking site and we chatted for a few days. He asked me out on a date and I figured that a year had gone by so maybe he had grown up. I agreed to meet up a few days later for dinner. I found out so much about him and he seemed completely harmless so I agreed to meet up with him again.

Fast forward to a ridiculous holiday where the expectations of the night are extremely high...I didn't have concrete plans for that night and was just going to wing it and end up at whatever party fancied me. I got a txt from Nipple boy asking me where I was and what I was doing for the night. I said that I didn't know and would get back to him. About an hour later, my phone dinged with a txt from him telling me that he needed to know where I was so that he could kiss me at the stroke of midnight. At this point I already had taken a few shots to take the edge off of the night and didn't think when I txted him the approximate location to where I was headed. I never told him to meet me there. Less than 10 minutes of arriving to my destination, I got a phone call from a very drunk Nipple boy telling me he was downstairs and needed to be buzzed in... Ummmmm..WHAT?!?!

I agreed to come down and let him in only because he told me that he had paid the cab driver to drive him from VA to DC. I felt bad he had driven across state lines to meet with me. Even tho, I never invited him to. I let him in the building and on the elevator ride up, he corned me in the elevator and we started making out. I pushed him aside and said the only way to hang out with me was if he was going to behave... behave my ass!

The rest of the evening consisted of me talking to my friends, while he brooded quietly in the corner with his arms across his chest. He watched me like a hawk and it was too eerily for my liking. Every move I made, I could feel his eyes just wandering over me possessively and never letting me out of his sight. He was there less than an hour when all one of my friends asked me to dance.. sure why the f* not? I was barely moving on the dance floor when he came up behind my friend and tapped him on the shoulder. My friend responded, "My bad dude, is this your girl?" I shook my head and said, "No, we're not dating." Nipple boy got pissed off and stormed away looking for his jacket. When he couldn't find it, he found me and demanded that I get his jacket so he could leave. I didn't know that by letting people know the truth that we were not dating constituted making a scene and storming off.

I asked if he wanted me to walk him downstairs and he just replied, "Don't do me any favors." I said, "It's not a favor. I want to." He just grabbed the jacket out of my hands said said again, "Don't do me any favors." I felt bad but there was no reason for him to leave so abruptly. He called me twice in less than two minutes and I didn't pick up because I didn't know what to say. I was about to send him an apology txt when he txts me, "I come to what? Thanks alot. This is how I get done." Excuse me? what? I never said, "Yes, please Nipple boy, come to this party with me! I want you!" There was no need for that txt. I checked my profile on a social networking site a few minutes later and in my mini feed pops up his status about how life is game and he is going to play it..you know who you are. W.T.F. Oh honey please!!!

I didn't realize two things. A - That we are five year olds and being completely ridiculous was in our nature and B- That apparently I was HIS girl and not allowed to speak to anyone of the opposite sex and if I did mr. caveman would come and whisk me back to his cave. He was completely out of line and not to mention bat-shit wasted again. I have come to the conclusion that when sober, Nipple boy is a great guy to hang out with. The minute that a drop of alcohol touches his tongue, prince charming turns into Maleficent and wants to keep me forever captive in his dragon lair. WTF. No thanks. If I wanted to meet a psychotic alcoholic, I would just go online. (No offense to my fellow online daters, but not everyone is sweet and nice) I've had my fair share of ridiculous first dates and would rather much go down memory lane with a stranger than with a possessive and jelaous Nipple boy.

P.S. The reason for his nickname? Well mr. classy has pierced nipples and it just so happens that at one point in time, he had that as his profile picture. Well done darlin'. well done.

Happy New Year!

Hey guys! I just wanted to wish everyone a great new year to come. I have high hopes for 2011 and I think this year is going to be a great one. I have a feeling that great things will come in 2011 and I do wish all of you the best. Make resolutions this year and plan on keeping them. Live each day like it's your last and never be afraid of the possibilities! Happy 2011!

Vajayjays and Wangs Galore!

Oh.. the joy of meeting someone new online! There are the emails that you exchange, the IM chats you pour over, and the txt messages that you decipher. Normally, this is what happens online...you know a few exchanges is the norm, but not this time. Mississippi is the guy who went straight from one email exchange to one chat, to the first date. I made the first move and sent him a quick note letting him know that I was interested in him. He curtly responded back and I didn't think anything more of it.

Then, late one night, I was just checking my email and I get a ping from someone who wanted to IM me. Mississippi! I agreed to talk and we had a quick chat to which he revealed that he was a medical student and had barely any free time. I was in the middle of baking cookies for work for the next day so I wrapped up the conversation and we agreed to meet at a sushi place a few days later. He told me he had a sweet tooth so I said that I would bring him cookies for our first date. He was ecstatic and said that he was lucky he had a met a girl that was not only beautiful but liked to bake as well. Cute! It melted my heart right then and there. He was super sweet and I was beginning to have a major crush on this guy. 

We met up for sushi and before I got out of the car, I quickly checked his profile again. I was debating on wearing heels or low boots but I wasn't sure how tall he was. I realized that he was way shorter than I thought he was...5 7'! Eeeeep...I decided on the low boots because I didn't want to be taller than him. I know that height shouldn't really matter that much but for whatever reason, I could not get his height out of my head! I went ahead on the date because it really isn't a huge deal breaker. He was really easy to talk to and he told me ridiculous stories. The best ones include his next door neighbor, who showed on his doorstep because he got kicked out of his house. The neighbor asked him if he could spend the night and in exchange he would....GET THIS..."suck his cock." When he said that, I almost choked on my wine! He quickly responded, "No, thanks. I'm not gay." His neighbor said, "that's ok. I can suck dick real good so trust me, you will like it." WHAT?!?! WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?! Wow! I really didn't know how to respond. How do you respond to something like that?

Then he tells me how he was at the airport a while back and a rand-o guy solicited him for sex. Um...Seriously?! Stop with the gay porn talk. Really. Just stop!! After getting over that shock, he proceeded to tell me that he had just finished a rotation and was really interested in going into the OBGYN route. Ok...Let me get this straight...First, he tells me that his neighbor tried to entice him into sucking his wang, then he tells me about his solicitor for sex, but the best part was that he finishes by telling me he wants to examine vajayjays for a living? WHAT!? Who am I on a date with? He seemed so normal at first and so charming. I dunno. Maybe he was nervous on the first date? But really tho, was he? Was he?!?!

Sigh. I always attract the most strangest men. I really really do. He was leaving for a family vaca the next day so he wasn't going to be reachable for a week. Thank goodness! I needed a bit of time to process all that I had learned about him in one night. Maybe we'll go out again...or maybe not. It's not his height that bothered me anymore but all the rest of the sex talk that came about that night.. vajayjays and wangs. Just a little too much... too soon.

Boredom..Not a Word That Should Be Used to Describe a Date

Bored. Normally I'm not bored during a date but this time I was. I met Boredom at a restaurant in Tyson's Corner and I thought I was going in for a really good date. We had met on Match and we corresponding with alot of emails in the previous days preceding the date. I found out that he lives super far from me and his mom does art for a local art market so I was excited to meet him. I figured we had alot in common on that aspect. He seemed like a decent guy and not a crazy weirdo like the other men I have encountered recently. I got there before him and ordered a drink at the bar while I waited for him to show up. He apparently had parked really far so I had to wait about 10 minutes for him to show up. No biggie. I'm normally late to most of my dates anyway and I know its bad, but I have tried really hard not to be so damn late. Anyway, he shows up and we had this awkward "Nice to meet you moment" and we walked to the hostess stand to grab a table. I went to close out my tab at the bar and followed them into the dining area.

Wowzers!! The restaurant he picked out was way pricey for entrees. It was a seafood place and they only really had one chicken option and two steak options on the menu. I'm not a big chicken fan but the price of the rest of the entrees was pretty high and I didn't want to give off a bad vibe so I ordered a salad. In his profile, he says he really likes salmon. At dinner, he said he didn't want to get salmon because he gets that all the time...however 10 minutes later when we are ordering our meal, he orders the salmon and looks at me and says, "sorry, I just had to get it." I don't care, but as he says this, I'm realizing that he really likes to stay within his norm and not deviate too much outside of it. I say this because the restaurant he chose was one in which he frequents for happy hours. Nothing wrong with that, but I would have hoped for a little more variety from him. Oh well.

So we divulge in conversation and I feel like I am doing most of the talking. I try to ask him questions about his life and what he does to have fun. I find out that he puts together model airplanes with his slightly younger brother...ok..pause. His younger brother is 25... I ask him if he goes out alot and he proceeds to tell me that he did all of the drinking and partying in his younger years and that he is done with all of that. He is only 33. Odd. OK. I asked him where he went to college and he tells me that he didn't go and wasn't something he was interested in. He says he makes good money now so there's no point in going now. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I like people to be somewhat ambitious in life. I dunno. Maybe I'm just asking for too much, but I don't think so.

Anyway, I continue asking him about his life and he really runs out of things to say. He concludes with "My life is pretty boring and I find yours very interesting so tell me more about you." Um.... not really what I want to hear, especially on our first date. I don't know what else to say at this point because I feel like I have talked his ear off and my throat is dry trying to keep the conversation going. We get to the point where I really have nothing else to say and we just sit there quietly. Pretty much an awkward silence...To save the date from going downhill, I suggest we go. We pay the bill and he tells me that he will walk me to my car. We get outside and he stops before the parking garage and asks me where I parked. I point in the direction of my car and he says, "Ok, it was really nice to meet you." Then he goes in for a hug and I'm a little shocked. I say goodbye and walk to my car by myself. It was an awkward moment but I'm glad he didn't walk me to my car because I make a split second decision and go back into the mall for a little Christmas shopping. The date might have been boring but that doesn't mean I have to go home with nothing to show for it!

All clamed up and absolutely nothing to say!

So last night I saw one of the hottest guys I have seen in a long time. Seeing one of these at a bar around here is super rare! For those of you who don't know. DC ranked #6 for the least attractive people in the nation according to Travel + Leisure....ouch! For the article, click here. So when you see this hot amazing man, you just have to go up to him and say hi, right? ugh..I couldn't. I didn't. I was completely tongued-tied the whole night! When we first get there, I saw a girl who looked exactly like Rose McGowan from Charmed...even with the enormous boobs. I say this because all she had on was a tank top and a push-up bra. It was hard NOT to notice. A few minutes later, in walks Tuxedo. This hot man was wearing a suit jacket, tie, and slacks...to a bar. Definitely not the casual look that most men choose when they go out to a bar. Again, it was hard not to notice this hottie all dressed up and about 6'2. He walked by us to get a drink at the bar and all I could do was stare. He walked back in our direction but at his point, it was super crowded and we were packed in there like sardines. I got closer to him as he walked by and my elbow definitely grazed his ass. Perfect. Of course, he didn't notice.. Ugh. If only I could have just bumped into him and started a conversation, but alas, no. I just couldn't do that.

I must have looked like some crazy stalker chick as the night progressed because I would just walk by him and stare. I know he didn't notice because he just stood there watching everyone else around me. He almost looked like he was too bored to bother being there. It was kinda odd. If only I hadn't been a non-blabbering mute all night, I probably would have gone up to him and started chatting. Alas, I was not the lucky one. Charmed girl went up to him and at the end of the night, they exchanged phone numbers. Oh well. I missed my chance. I went to close my tab at the end of the night. As I waited for my tab, I saw him approaching the bar. He stood next to me and it took me about 5 minutes too long to say something to him because when I finally had the courage to just say hi, he was gone. I saw the back of his head disappearing into the crowd. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't even mutter a simple hello. I know better and I hope next time I won't be such a mute!

A Not So Lonely Cab Ride Home

A night on the town is always a lot of fun when you mix alcohol and great friends. However, in order to be safe, it's never a good idea to drink and drive so metro is the way to go into the city. The only draw back is that you have to leave and make it in time before the doors close....yea.. I'm normally running late everywhere and this was definitely not an exception. So, of course we missed the metro and had to catch a cab. Oh cab rides are always fun, aren't they? This one had to be one of the most interesting ones I've had.

It all started because we couldn't grab a suitable cab so a handsome young man came to our rescue and asked if we wanted to share his cab. Um.. yes?! He prepaid the driver to get him from DC to his destination and when we hopped in, we only had to pay a fraction of the price of a normal cab ride home. SWEET! I got in and rode bitch on the ride home. He said he was grateful that we came along so he didn't have to get home by himself...then, he grabbed my hand and started caressing my arm. I ignored him because he was pretty drunk so I continued talking to my friend. Then he grabbed my other hand and started to place it on his lap. I was fighting back laughter and didn't know what to say to him. I took my hand away numerous times but he consistently tried to get me to hold his hands. Soon after he was making out with my arm and I couldn't stop from laughing. He was slobbering all over and trying to get me to leave my hand in his lab.. ie his crotch. We made it back home and he was desperately trying to come inside with us. I left Mr. Arm Sucker in the cab and told the cabbie to take him home. I really don't know how I attract these men but it's hilarious that I do. The only reason why I even played along with him was because he was drunk and we got a cheap cab ride home. Would I do it again? Eh, prob not. I'll dish out the loot to make it safely without a guy sucking on my arm.

Guitar Hero...Rock my what?

Phew! I thought I wasn't going to get a decent reply from these guys online anytime soon! Although, Guitar Hero was not what I would typically call the "online man." I say this because instead of the "hi, how r ya?" email.. I get "Hi, *insert funny line here*. I am not really one for this email thing, so let's meet up for appetizers and drinks?" It took me a day or so to get back to him for various reasons. A - I've been busy with work and more work. B - It's a very straightforward approach but at least he didn't ask for massages and to spend the night when we meet. C - I'm not one for facial hair and he pretty much had a full-on beard in all his pictures. Not a big fan but either way, I decided to email him back and agree. You really can't be picky about facial hair like that. I mean you can't be THAT shallow all the time now can you?

The response I got wasn't really what I thought he would say. Instead of the "sure, let's meet up Tuesday at 6 after work." I got "I have plans for guys night out to watch football on Sunday. You should come with a friend so we could all hang out." Uhh...what? Again, I didn't really know what to say to this. I mean, do I show up with said friend and meet his friend and almost have a blind double date? Soo awkward. The first time you meet someone has to be better than, "Hey Joe, this is uh...Jen? and her friend....uh...Lucy. We just met right now." Nooooo! Who does that? I politely declined his offer a few days later and agreed to meet late after work the following week.

It turned out to be a pretty casual meeting. I seriously didn't recognize him when I saw him. First off, he doesn't look like his pictures. Second, the beard was missing! So if you don't look like yourself in your pictures to begin with and you don't have the beard either, how the hell am I supposed to find you?! We both had a great time with alot of talking and laughing. I'm a big talker. Like HUGE talker. I never know when to shut up at times but its hard to keep it going with a stranger for hours. I had a little bit of help keeping the conversation up. Guitar Hero knew the bartender and he kept coming over to talk to us. I was eying the bartender. He was sizzling. Like WAY sizzling. Think young Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louse style). Delish! I found out this particular bartender is afraid of commitment and has a 2 year girlfriend. He mentioned how she has been asking to move-in together but he really can't commit to it whatsoever. Poor gal. He said it would probably happen at least a year from now and then he started laughing, "She probably would have broken up with me by then if I do that!" Sad. If she wants to leave him earlier, I can take him off her hands! ;)

Sorry, back to Guitar Hero. I got distracted but it was hard not to. It was Thelma and Louse style! Tell me you know about Thelma and Louse style! Google it! I promise you won't be disappointed. After about 3 hours of non-stop talking I was slowly winding down and wanted sleep. He quickly noticed that I was failing fast and he gave me an out. He asked if we could see each other again and I agreed. It was a pretty normal date compared to the others that I've been on so why the hell not? He then apologized in advance for his lack of calling and texting because he is normally pretty busy with work. Guitar Hero wanted to make sure that I knew he wasn't blowing me off if I didn't get an immediate response from him. Sure sure. No worries mister.

We got up from our bar stools and he helped me get into my jacket. It was a pretty funny sight since I was trying desperately to get my arm thru the one side but was failing miserable. It took me about 5 minutes to get my stupid coat on and I felt like an idiot. It was almost like watching a dog chase his tail over and over and over again... Oh well, it was pretty funny if you were watching us. He opened doors for me as we left the bar and walked me to my car. It was sweet and cute. What was not sweet and cute was our good bye. Again totally not what I expected. More awkward than anything. I opened my door to the car and he jumped on me to give me a big bear hug and a huge smack on the cheek with his lips. "Thanks for meeting me tonight," he said and with that, he bounced right back to the bar. He startled me and left me with a big fat question mark floating around on the top of my head.. you know, like the ones in the cartoons.

During those 3 hours, I found out some interesting details about Guitar Hero's life. Little tidbits: has played guitar for a good 20 years of his life, went to college for years (over 4) but didn't finish (interesting detail here since he didn't get that magical piece of paper after 4+ years), was in a frat in college, now a manager of a major electronics store, going to get his BA or BS soon (round deux), goes to the same bar all the time (the bar he asked to meet at was the same one he wanted to meet on Sunday and same one he went to for Halloween), lives next door to lesbians (which he really really really enjoys), and has grown up in this area (knows how boring it is to live here which is a plus!). At least its much better than Snip-Snip...Now that was just too much information for one sober night. Guitar Hero, I can handle.