Oye Vey! At least he was upfront!

So with online dating, it is really hard to gauge how many emails one receives in a week. Some weeks are busier than others and some weeks go by without any replies to the emails I send out. Well, I've been pretty busy with work and outside projects recently that I haven't had much time to log onto Match. Without having to log onto my profile, I had an email waiting for me in the inbox of my Gmail account. I hurriedly clicked on it, wondering if maybe this was it. A great guy to go out with...WRONG. His email verbatim: 

I agree

So make a point to connect with me alive. And make your conclusion.

In short I only want to have awesome sex with a stranger who will smile when she thinks back on the memories made

best regards

Um...You agree with what exactly? What is it that brought this man to my profile and agreed to some unwritten question or statement on my profile that stated I wanted awesome sex with a stranger?! If my profile says this "in between the lines" I will 100% go and change it to make it perfectly clear, that is NOT the reason I'm online! I went to his profile to be curious as to what he was all about. It turns out that he is only in the area for a short time visiting family and is basically horny beyond all reasoning and is looking for that "special someone" RIGHTNOW. Hm..Just a thought.. Ya know, Mr. HornyRightNow, maybe...just m-a-y-b-e if you fixed those spelling mistakes and random typos throughout your profile, you might just get a reply back and get lucky.....Oooooooor... You can keep your STDs sooo.. Prob not.

Prince Charming.. where does your castle reside?

So after my disastrous night with Nipple boy, I had to find a night and redeem myself. There was no way that the start of my new year was going to be like THAT so I lined up a date with another guy whom I know thru another friend. This time, I was assured that he was perfect. Pish! No one is REALLY perfect. They always have a flaw somehow. At least from what I've noticed! We met up in Georgetown at this cute little restaurant Mei n Yu. Super cute title! He picked it. *wow* We were escorted to our table in the back of the restaurant and I scrambled to get out of my coat. He rushed to help and gave the coat to the hostess who placed it in coat check. I was delighted that he was such a gentleman!

I decided that I would try something completely new at this cute little fancy restaurant. Eeep! The food prices were more than I had expected but casually pretended not to notice. He proceeded to tell me that he had been there before a long time ago and that the food was amazing. We ordered a pitcher of blue alcohol, some hummus and a delightful description of steak and lamb. After the waiter took our order, PC began to tell me a little bit about himself. He was pretty much a well-traveled guy that believed in karma and that anything was possible. I stared into his clear blue eyes, mesmerized by his stories and his fascination with the world. Intermittently I described who I was, what I did for a living and what I wanted to accomplish he life. He asked me so many questions about myself and it was just really easy to divulge in everything that was me. I asked him how 2011 was shaping up so far for him and he replied, "2011 is going off to a great start because first thing this morning, I woke up to find a text from you." Awww....hearts melted from here to China! He made me feel like I was the only one in the room and I'm not sure if it was because he was really into me or if it was the mysterious blue liquid he ordered.

We continued to talk for a long time at the restaurant and ordered a second pitcher of this mysterious blue substance. It tasted like paradise and made me feel loopy as if I was floating on cloud nine....now this could have been the drink or the man sitting across from me at dinner who just fascinated me. I just couldn't tell. The bill came and he slyly took it from the waiter and paid for our meal. I objected to him paying for the whole thing, but he insisted so I didn't argue. I'm pretty sure it was a hefty bill and felt bad but his smile reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. We went to get my coat and that's when I realized that he had only placed my jacket in coat check and had let his get wrinkled next to him in the booth. Aw...he really didn't have to put my coat in coat check. I could have just mangled it in my seat next to me and it would have been perfectly fine. I retrieved my jacket and he insisted on covering coat check as well. It was pretty early in the evening, so we walked to the nearest bar to continue having drinks.

We proceeded to talk the night away while casually drinking and I was just smitten. After I was already tumbling down the rabbit hole, I discovered something that completely jerked me back to reality...Mr. Prince Charming doesn't live in the DC area... *screeeeeecchhh!* Brake!!!! Hold the phone people!!! He lives on the west coast and has family here, but doesn't know where he will end up next year after his current job contract comes up for renewal. Now, I'm an advocate for relationships in general...ahem..however, when a person whom you want to get romantically involved with clearly doesn't live in the same zip code, the same state, let alone the same COAST?!?!...It might be a good idea to pull the emergency brake before anyone gets in too deep. I just don't think that long distance relationship can actually work. It might work for some people, but they just don't work for me. And yes, I've tried it.

After my beautiful fantasy was shattered by a zipcode, he walked me to my car. He asked me if I wanted to come hang out with him at his house but fumbled around the idea because he was staying with family while he was in town. I currently resided further away from where we were so it made no sense to go back to my place. As much as I just wanted to climb into his car and drive away into the night, sensible me took over and declined the offer....OMG.. Did I want to get into that car?!?!! We had that awkward moment every couple has at the end of their first date.. "The-omg-are-we-going-to-kiss-should-i-kiss-you-or-wait-for-you-to-kiss-me moment" AWKWARD! Ugh. I wanted to kiss him but then it meant tumbling down the rabbit hole once more and I was not ready to really start a relationship of any kind with someone on the other side of the continent. I had the most amazing first date with an amazing guy whom was just perfect. I had my doubts before the date and at the end of it...Yup. He's perfect all right. Charming, good looks, great smile, wonderful spirit. All around - delicious package. But not for me. Not now...Sigh...Cinderella went home at midnight and Prince Charming flew back to his castle on the west coast. What a sad and absolutely fantastic night. Would I do it again? Absolutely, Yes!

Nipple boy..get over yourself.

Sigh.. so the guys you meet thru your friends are not always the way to go when looking for a date. A girlfriend of mine introduced me to Nipple boy a few years ago and she thought he would be a good guy to get to know better. Yea, he was cute, but I was kinda seeing someone at the time and I didn't want to start a relationship that I couldn't commit to. Then a few months later, we saw each other and he was wasted. Completely bat-shit wasted! I was in a serious relationship then and he went bat-shit crazy because he was bat-shit wasted...He said some completely obscene things that I will not repeat and harassed me to no end about the guy I was seeing. Needless to say, I just ignored him and left shortly after our little encounter.

About a year later, he found me on a social networking site and we chatted for a few days. He asked me out on a date and I figured that a year had gone by so maybe he had grown up. I agreed to meet up a few days later for dinner. I found out so much about him and he seemed completely harmless so I agreed to meet up with him again.

Fast forward to a ridiculous holiday where the expectations of the night are extremely high...I didn't have concrete plans for that night and was just going to wing it and end up at whatever party fancied me. I got a txt from Nipple boy asking me where I was and what I was doing for the night. I said that I didn't know and would get back to him. About an hour later, my phone dinged with a txt from him telling me that he needed to know where I was so that he could kiss me at the stroke of midnight. At this point I already had taken a few shots to take the edge off of the night and didn't think when I txted him the approximate location to where I was headed. I never told him to meet me there. Less than 10 minutes of arriving to my destination, I got a phone call from a very drunk Nipple boy telling me he was downstairs and needed to be buzzed in... Ummmmm..WHAT?!?!

I agreed to come down and let him in only because he told me that he had paid the cab driver to drive him from VA to DC. I felt bad he had driven across state lines to meet with me. Even tho, I never invited him to. I let him in the building and on the elevator ride up, he corned me in the elevator and we started making out. I pushed him aside and said the only way to hang out with me was if he was going to behave... behave my ass!

The rest of the evening consisted of me talking to my friends, while he brooded quietly in the corner with his arms across his chest. He watched me like a hawk and it was too eerily for my liking. Every move I made, I could feel his eyes just wandering over me possessively and never letting me out of his sight. He was there less than an hour when all one of my friends asked me to dance.. sure why the f* not? I was barely moving on the dance floor when he came up behind my friend and tapped him on the shoulder. My friend responded, "My bad dude, is this your girl?" I shook my head and said, "No, we're not dating." Nipple boy got pissed off and stormed away looking for his jacket. When he couldn't find it, he found me and demanded that I get his jacket so he could leave. I didn't know that by letting people know the truth that we were not dating constituted making a scene and storming off.

I asked if he wanted me to walk him downstairs and he just replied, "Don't do me any favors." I said, "It's not a favor. I want to." He just grabbed the jacket out of my hands said said again, "Don't do me any favors." I felt bad but there was no reason for him to leave so abruptly. He called me twice in less than two minutes and I didn't pick up because I didn't know what to say. I was about to send him an apology txt when he txts me, "I come to what? Thanks alot. This is how I get done." Excuse me? what? I never said, "Yes, please Nipple boy, come to this party with me! I want you!" There was no need for that txt. I checked my profile on a social networking site a few minutes later and in my mini feed pops up his status about how life is game and he is going to play it..you know who you are. W.T.F. Oh honey please!!!

I didn't realize two things. A - That we are five year olds and being completely ridiculous was in our nature and B- That apparently I was HIS girl and not allowed to speak to anyone of the opposite sex and if I did mr. caveman would come and whisk me back to his cave. He was completely out of line and not to mention bat-shit wasted again. I have come to the conclusion that when sober, Nipple boy is a great guy to hang out with. The minute that a drop of alcohol touches his tongue, prince charming turns into Maleficent and wants to keep me forever captive in his dragon lair. WTF. No thanks. If I wanted to meet a psychotic alcoholic, I would just go online. (No offense to my fellow online daters, but not everyone is sweet and nice) I've had my fair share of ridiculous first dates and would rather much go down memory lane with a stranger than with a possessive and jelaous Nipple boy.

P.S. The reason for his nickname? Well mr. classy has pierced nipples and it just so happens that at one point in time, he had that as his profile picture. Well done darlin'. well done.

Happy New Year!

Hey guys! I just wanted to wish everyone a great new year to come. I have high hopes for 2011 and I think this year is going to be a great one. I have a feeling that great things will come in 2011 and I do wish all of you the best. Make resolutions this year and plan on keeping them. Live each day like it's your last and never be afraid of the possibilities! Happy 2011!

Vajayjays and Wangs Galore!

Oh.. the joy of meeting someone new online! There are the emails that you exchange, the IM chats you pour over, and the txt messages that you decipher. Normally, this is what happens online...you know a few exchanges is the norm, but not this time. Mississippi is the guy who went straight from one email exchange to one chat, to the first date. I made the first move and sent him a quick note letting him know that I was interested in him. He curtly responded back and I didn't think anything more of it.

Then, late one night, I was just checking my email and I get a ping from someone who wanted to IM me. Mississippi! I agreed to talk and we had a quick chat to which he revealed that he was a medical student and had barely any free time. I was in the middle of baking cookies for work for the next day so I wrapped up the conversation and we agreed to meet at a sushi place a few days later. He told me he had a sweet tooth so I said that I would bring him cookies for our first date. He was ecstatic and said that he was lucky he had a met a girl that was not only beautiful but liked to bake as well. Cute! It melted my heart right then and there. He was super sweet and I was beginning to have a major crush on this guy. 

We met up for sushi and before I got out of the car, I quickly checked his profile again. I was debating on wearing heels or low boots but I wasn't sure how tall he was. I realized that he was way shorter than I thought he was...5 7'! Eeeeep...I decided on the low boots because I didn't want to be taller than him. I know that height shouldn't really matter that much but for whatever reason, I could not get his height out of my head! I went ahead on the date because it really isn't a huge deal breaker. He was really easy to talk to and he told me ridiculous stories. The best ones include his next door neighbor, who showed on his doorstep because he got kicked out of his house. The neighbor asked him if he could spend the night and in exchange he would....GET THIS..."suck his cock." When he said that, I almost choked on my wine! He quickly responded, "No, thanks. I'm not gay." His neighbor said, "that's ok. I can suck dick real good so trust me, you will like it." WHAT?!?! WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?! Wow! I really didn't know how to respond. How do you respond to something like that?

Then he tells me how he was at the airport a while back and a rand-o guy solicited him for sex. Um...Seriously?! Stop with the gay porn talk. Really. Just stop!! After getting over that shock, he proceeded to tell me that he had just finished a rotation and was really interested in going into the OBGYN route. Ok...Let me get this straight...First, he tells me that his neighbor tried to entice him into sucking his wang, then he tells me about his solicitor for sex, but the best part was that he finishes by telling me he wants to examine vajayjays for a living? WHAT!? Who am I on a date with? He seemed so normal at first and so charming. I dunno. Maybe he was nervous on the first date? But really tho, was he? Was he?!?!

Sigh. I always attract the most strangest men. I really really do. He was leaving for a family vaca the next day so he wasn't going to be reachable for a week. Thank goodness! I needed a bit of time to process all that I had learned about him in one night. Maybe we'll go out again...or maybe not. It's not his height that bothered me anymore but all the rest of the sex talk that came about that night.. vajayjays and wangs. Just a little too much... too soon.

Boredom..Not a Word That Should Be Used to Describe a Date

Bored. Normally I'm not bored during a date but this time I was. I met Boredom at a restaurant in Tyson's Corner and I thought I was going in for a really good date. We had met on Match and we corresponding with alot of emails in the previous days preceding the date. I found out that he lives super far from me and his mom does art for a local art market so I was excited to meet him. I figured we had alot in common on that aspect. He seemed like a decent guy and not a crazy weirdo like the other men I have encountered recently. I got there before him and ordered a drink at the bar while I waited for him to show up. He apparently had parked really far so I had to wait about 10 minutes for him to show up. No biggie. I'm normally late to most of my dates anyway and I know its bad, but I have tried really hard not to be so damn late. Anyway, he shows up and we had this awkward "Nice to meet you moment" and we walked to the hostess stand to grab a table. I went to close out my tab at the bar and followed them into the dining area.

Wowzers!! The restaurant he picked out was way pricey for entrees. It was a seafood place and they only really had one chicken option and two steak options on the menu. I'm not a big chicken fan but the price of the rest of the entrees was pretty high and I didn't want to give off a bad vibe so I ordered a salad. In his profile, he says he really likes salmon. At dinner, he said he didn't want to get salmon because he gets that all the time...however 10 minutes later when we are ordering our meal, he orders the salmon and looks at me and says, "sorry, I just had to get it." I don't care, but as he says this, I'm realizing that he really likes to stay within his norm and not deviate too much outside of it. I say this because the restaurant he chose was one in which he frequents for happy hours. Nothing wrong with that, but I would have hoped for a little more variety from him. Oh well.

So we divulge in conversation and I feel like I am doing most of the talking. I try to ask him questions about his life and what he does to have fun. I find out that he puts together model airplanes with his slightly younger brother...ok..pause. His younger brother is 25... I ask him if he goes out alot and he proceeds to tell me that he did all of the drinking and partying in his younger years and that he is done with all of that. He is only 33. Odd. OK. I asked him where he went to college and he tells me that he didn't go and wasn't something he was interested in. He says he makes good money now so there's no point in going now. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I like people to be somewhat ambitious in life. I dunno. Maybe I'm just asking for too much, but I don't think so.

Anyway, I continue asking him about his life and he really runs out of things to say. He concludes with "My life is pretty boring and I find yours very interesting so tell me more about you." Um.... not really what I want to hear, especially on our first date. I don't know what else to say at this point because I feel like I have talked his ear off and my throat is dry trying to keep the conversation going. We get to the point where I really have nothing else to say and we just sit there quietly. Pretty much an awkward silence...To save the date from going downhill, I suggest we go. We pay the bill and he tells me that he will walk me to my car. We get outside and he stops before the parking garage and asks me where I parked. I point in the direction of my car and he says, "Ok, it was really nice to meet you." Then he goes in for a hug and I'm a little shocked. I say goodbye and walk to my car by myself. It was an awkward moment but I'm glad he didn't walk me to my car because I make a split second decision and go back into the mall for a little Christmas shopping. The date might have been boring but that doesn't mean I have to go home with nothing to show for it!

All clamed up and absolutely nothing to say!

So last night I saw one of the hottest guys I have seen in a long time. Seeing one of these at a bar around here is super rare! For those of you who don't know. DC ranked #6 for the least attractive people in the nation according to Travel + Leisure....ouch! For the article, click here. So when you see this hot amazing man, you just have to go up to him and say hi, right? ugh..I couldn't. I didn't. I was completely tongued-tied the whole night! When we first get there, I saw a girl who looked exactly like Rose McGowan from Charmed...even with the enormous boobs. I say this because all she had on was a tank top and a push-up bra. It was hard NOT to notice. A few minutes later, in walks Tuxedo. This hot man was wearing a suit jacket, tie, and slacks...to a bar. Definitely not the casual look that most men choose when they go out to a bar. Again, it was hard not to notice this hottie all dressed up and about 6'2. He walked by us to get a drink at the bar and all I could do was stare. He walked back in our direction but at his point, it was super crowded and we were packed in there like sardines. I got closer to him as he walked by and my elbow definitely grazed his ass. Perfect. Of course, he didn't notice.. Ugh. If only I could have just bumped into him and started a conversation, but alas, no. I just couldn't do that.

I must have looked like some crazy stalker chick as the night progressed because I would just walk by him and stare. I know he didn't notice because he just stood there watching everyone else around me. He almost looked like he was too bored to bother being there. It was kinda odd. If only I hadn't been a non-blabbering mute all night, I probably would have gone up to him and started chatting. Alas, I was not the lucky one. Charmed girl went up to him and at the end of the night, they exchanged phone numbers. Oh well. I missed my chance. I went to close my tab at the end of the night. As I waited for my tab, I saw him approaching the bar. He stood next to me and it took me about 5 minutes too long to say something to him because when I finally had the courage to just say hi, he was gone. I saw the back of his head disappearing into the crowd. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't even mutter a simple hello. I know better and I hope next time I won't be such a mute!